Hello, how's it going? Not too bad, but I'm a little worried about the increase of goblins these days. Don't worry, I'll kill them. Hello, how's it going? How can I help you? Do you want to trade? No, I have nothing I wish to get rid of. If you want to do some trading, there are plenty of shops and market stalls around though. I'm in search of a quest. Man I'm sorry I can't help you there. I'm in search of enemies to kill. I've heard there are many fearsome creatures that dwell under the ground... Hello, how's it going? Get out of my way, I'm in a hurry! Hello, how's it going? I'm fine, how are you? Very well thank you. Hello, how's it going? Hello there! Nice weather we've been having. Hello, how's it going? I'm very well thank you. Hello, how's it going? Who are you? I'm a bold adventurer. Ah, a very noble profession. Hello, how's it going? Do I know you? I'm in a hurry! Hello, how's it going? I think we need a new king. The one we've got isn't very good Hello, how's it going? Not too bad thanks. Hello, how's it going? Are you asking for a fight? NPC attacks you. Hello, how's it going? I'm busy right now. Hello, how's it going? Hello. Hello, how's it going? I'm in search of a quest. I'm sorry I can't help you there. Hello, how's it going? None of your business. Hello, how's it going? I'm in search of enemies to kill. I've heard there are many fearsome creatures that dwell under the ground... Hello, how's it going? How can I help you? No, I have nothing I wish to get rid of. If you want to do some trading, there are plenty of shops and market stalls around though. Hello. Excuse me! Oh sorry, what did I do? Can't you see I'm on the toilet? Wait a minute... a toilet? Yeah. A toilet. Riiiight. Oh, man, you didn't wipe your hands? Get over it. HALT! Who goes there? Don't worry, I'm not going to cause trouble. Don't worry, I'm not going to cause trouble. But you shouldn't be here - be off with you! I was going anyway. I am [Player] the Mighty! I am [Player] the Mighty! Mighty? You look like another of those silly adventurers who thinks they're the bee's knees just because they've done a few lousy quests! Well it sounds better than sitting on this rooftop all day looking at trees! I'll have you know it's a very important job guarding this jail! If anyone comes sneaking in here to mess around with the prisoners, the lads downstairs will make mincemeat of them, and I'll be here to pick them off if they try to escape. You mean people aren't meant to be able to shoot the prisoners in the cells? Yes, that's right. Okay, it's been nice talking to you. No-one, there's no-one here. No-one, there's no-one here. What? I can see you! No, you're just imagining it. Perhaps you've been up here in the sun for too long? So who am I talking to? Oh dear, you've started talking to yourself. That's a common sign that you're going mad! But... but... you're standing right there... Maybe you should leave him alone now. Good day, how may I help you? I'd like to access my bank account, please. Bank opens. I'd like to check my PIN settings. PIN menu opens. I'd like to collect items. Grand Exchange collection opens. What is this place? What is this place? This is a branch of the Bank of Gielinor. We have branches in many towns. And what do you do? And what do you do? We will look after your items and money for you. Leave your valuables with us if you want to keep them safe. Didn't you used to be called the Bank of Varrock? Didn't you used to be called the Bank of Varrock? Yes we did, but people kept on coming into our branches outside of Varrock and telling us that our signs were wrong. They acted as if we didn't know what town we were in or something. Wanna fight? Ah, you come for fight, ja? You look funny. Grrr! What you want? Hi there! Why, helloooo! A camel? Well this is grand darling. How nice it is to make your acquaintance! Thank you. Nice to meet you too. Wait a minute. How am I talking to you without a Camulet? My dear, I'm a camel, how should I know? Hmmm. I suppose this spell must tap directly into your mind. So, there's no need for language to get in the way. I think I am somewhat confused. May one ask how you contacted me? I'm just using one of the Lunar spells. Oh my, oh my. These youngsters today and their new-fangled gadgets! We're Knights of the Party Room. We dance round and round like a loon. Quite often we like to sing. Unfortunately we make a din. We're Knights of the Party Room. Do you like our helmet plumes? Everyone's happy now we can move. Like a party animal in the groove. Welcome to the Mining Guild. Can I help you with anything? What have you got in the guild? All sorts of things! There's plenty of coal rocks along with some iron, mithril and adamantite as well. Deeper in the guild you'll find even more rocks including some runite! The best bit though is our amethst mine, the only one in the land! There's no better mining site anywhere! What do you dwarves do with the ore you mind? What do you think? We smelt it into bars, smith the metal to make armour and weapons, then we exchange them for goods and services. I don't see many dwarves selling armour or weapons here. No, this is only a mining outpost. We dwarves don't much like to settle in human cities. Most of the ore is carted off to Keldagrim, the great dwarven city. They've got a special blast furnace up there - it makes smelting the ore so much easier. There are plenty of dwarven traders working in Keldagrim. Anyway, can I help you with anything else? No thanks, I'm fine. Hello, how's it going? Not too bad, but I'm a little worried about the increase of goblins these days. Don't worry, I'll kill them. Hello, how's it going? How can I help you? Do you want to trade? No, I have nothing I wish to get rid of. If you want to do some trading, there are plenty of shops and market stalls around though. I'm in search of a quest. I'm sorry I can't help you there. Player:I'm in search of enemies to kill. I've heard there are many fearsome creatures that dwell under the ground... Hello, how's it going? Get out of my way, I'm in a hurry! Hello, how's it going? I'm fine, how are you? Very well thank you. Hello, how's it going? Hello there! Nice weather we've been having. Hello, how's it going? I'm very well thank you. Hello, how's it going? Who are you? Player I'm a bold adventurer. Ah, a very noble profession. Hello, how's it going? Do I know you? I'm in a hurry! Hello, how's it going? I think we need a new king. The one we've got isn't very good. Hello, how's it going? Not too bad thanks. Hello, how's it going? Are you asking for a fight? ''NPC attacks you'' Hello, how's it going? I'm busy right now. Hello, how's it going? Hello. Hello, how's it going? I'm in search of a quest. I'm sorry I can't help you there. Hello, how's it going? None of your business. Hello, how's it going? I'm in search of enemies to kill. I've heard there are many fearsome creatures that dwell under the ground... Hello, how's it going? How can I help you? No, I have nothing I wish to get rid of. If you want to do some trading, there are plenty of shops and market stalls around though. Anyone there? INTRUDER! Red alert! Batten down the hatches! DIVE, DIVE, DIVE! Err, maybe I'll call back later. Hello. The fish cannot ride the gravy train. Sorry? The cyclops cannot see his inner walrus? Is this code? Waddle into a sunset of flaking mackerel? I'm going now. The sardine is leaving the tin? Makes camel noises. Makes happier camel noises. Who's a cute little monkey? Who's an ugly human? Give me a banana! What's up with you? Stupid human! Give monkey a banana! ''Player has no banana'' Sorry monkey, I don't have any bananas. Aghhh. You're a rubbish human, get monkey a banana now. ''Player has banana'' Give the monkey a banana. Ha ha! Smelly human gave monkey a banana. Wow you're one nasty piece of work. Have you ever heard of gratitude? Hey baldy, give monkey another banana! Just because I'm not covered in fur doesn't make me bald, you cheeky monkey. Monkey wants another banana now! Give me, give me! Look I've had it with you, you little degenerate. I'll not give you a banana until you learn manners. Can I come through this gate? You must pay a toll of 10 gold to pass. No, thank you. I'll walk around. Ok suit yourself. Who does my money go to? The money goes to the city of Al-Kharid. Yes, ok. Oh dear, I don't actually seem to have enough money. Hello? Baaaa. Huh? Okay. Baa, baaa. BAA! Baaa? Oh, hello citizen. Are you here to find out about Player Moderators? Or perhaps would you like to know about the laws of the land? Tell me about Player Moderators. Of course. What would you like to know? What is a Player Moderator? Player Moderators are normal players of the game, just like you. However, since they have shown themselves to be trustworthy and active reporters, they have been invited by Jagex to monitor the game and take appropriate action when they see rule breaking. You can spot a Player Moderator in game by looking at the chat screen - when a Player Moderator speaks, a silver crown appears to the left of their name. Remember, if there's not silver crown there, they are not a Player Moderator! Why not check out the Knowledge Base, found on the main page, if you'd like more information? Thanks! Is there anything else you'd like to know? What can Player Moderators do? Player Moderators, or 'P-mods', have the ability to mute rule breakers and Jagex view their reports as a priority so that action is taken as quickly as possible. P-Mods also have access to the Player Moderator Centre. Within the Centre are tools to help them Moderate RuneScape. These tools include dedicated forums, the Player Moderator Guidelines and the Player Moderator Code of Conduct. Thanks! Is there anything else you'd like to know? How do I become a Player Moderator? Jagex picks players who spend their time and effort to help better the RuneScape community. Keep your account secure! This is very important, as a player with poor security will never be a P-Mod, Read our Security Tips for more information. Play by the rules! The rules of RuneScape are enforced for a reason, to make the game a fair and enjoyable environment for all. What can Player Moderators not do? P-Mods cannot ban your account - they can only report offences. Jagex then take action based on the evidence received. If you lose your password or get scammed by another player, P-Mods cannot help you get your account back. All they can do is recommend you go to the Customer Support. They cannot retrieve any items you may have lost and receive any items you may have lost and receive no free items from Jagex for helping moderate the game. They are players who give their efforts to help the community out of the goodness of their hearts! P-mods do not work for Jagex and so cannot make you a Moderator, or recommend other accounts to become moderators. If you wish to become a Moderator, please feel free to ask me how! Thanks! Is there anything else you'd like to know? Tell me about the Rules of Conduct. At once. Take a look at my book here... Can you give me a handy tip please? Did you know most skills have right click 'Make-X' options to help you train faster? Make your recovery questions and answers hard to guess but easy to remember. Don't use your RuneScape password on other sites. Keep your account safe! If you think someone knows your password - change it! The squirrels! The squirrels are coming! Noooo, get them out of my head! Did you know you burn food less often on the range in Lumbridge castle than other ranges? Players can not trim armour. Don't fall for this popular scam! Feeling harassed? Don't forget your ignore list can be especially useful if a player seems to be picking on you! If you're lost and have no idea where to go, use the Home Teleport spell for free! If you see someone breaking the rules, report them! Did you know? Superheat Item means you never fail to smelt ore! Did you know that at high levels of Runecrafting you get more than one rune per essence? Never lend your items out unless you expect them not to come back. Never question a penguin. Melee armour actually gives you disadvantages when using magic attacks. It may be better to take off your armour entirely! If the chat window is moving too quickly to report a player accurately, run to a quiet spot and review the chat at your leisure! Take time to check the second trade window carefully. Don't be scammed! Did you know having a bank pin can help secure your valuable items? Did you know that mithril equipment is very light? There are no cheats in RuneScape! Never visit websites promising otherwise! Jagex will never e-mail you. Do not believe any e-mails that claim to be from us. If you're stuck on a skill, talk to the Lumbridge Tutors for help and tips. Did you know that you can wear a shield with a crossbow? Beware of players trying to lure you into the wilderness. Your items cannot be returned if you lose them! If a player isn't sure of the rules, send them to me! I'll be happy to remind them! Never tell your password to anyone, not even your best friend! Be careful when fighting wizards! Wearing heavy armour can lower your Magic resistance! Welcome to my BASEMENT OF DOOM! Nice basement! Nice?! I mean, evil! Yeah! I'm going to use it to summon DEMONS to DO MY BIDDING, or raise an ARMY OF THE UNDEAD! And then I'm going to totally, like, take over the world! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa! So have you had any luck with the demon-summoning? Well, I thought I should start small, so I asked Wizard Grayzag for some help with summoning imps... And did you manage to summon any? Well, not imps, exactly. It turns out they're not the lowest form of demon after all. I got these hell-rats. They're hardly evil at all! They're just like regular rats only they smell vaguely of sulphur! Weren't you going to give up evil? Yeah, well... I did try. I wore this bright red jumper and I got up in the morning and spent the day outside in the sunshine... Dave shudders. But I couldn't keep it up. I just didn't find anything good very interesting, you know? Sometimes I worry about the consequences of evil. I don't really want anyone to get hurt, not like what happened with Denath. But I can't not be evil! It's just who I am! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa! See you later! Of course you will return! There is no escape from my DARK POWER! Weren't you going to give up evil? Yeah, well... I did try. I wore this bright red jumper and I got up in the morning and spent the day outside in the sunshine... Dave shudders. But I couldn't keep it up. I just didn't find anything good very interesting, you know? Sometimes I worry about the consequences of evil. I don't really want anyone to get hurt, not like what happened with Denath. But I can't not be evil! It's just who I am! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa! Let me try to explain the time travel thing again... Although you're here, you're also still in the time freeze. What? I mean, the whole room was frozen in time at the moment the culinomancer cast his spell, right? What? I didn't notice anything. Of course you didn't! You were frozen! So how can I be there and also here? Which one is me? I mean, I feel like I'm me, but what if I'm not me? That would be terrible! They're both you! How does that work? From YOUR point of view I've saved you, but from MINE I haven't. Well that's all right, as long as I'm saved from my point of view! But I have to save you, otherwise you won't be saved! But I'm here so you must already have saved me! That's what I meant, from your point of view I've saved you but from mine I haven't! What? I've got to take the food back in time to give it to you. Why? Because otherwise you won't be saved from the culinomancer's spell. But I was saved from the spell! I remember it! Exactly! That's why I know I have to go back and save you! What will happen if you don't? I can't not, I already have! What? The fact that you're here means I already did save you, which means that you have to tell me the correct recipe. It's logically impossible for you not to! I don't understand this at all. There will be a temporal paradox and the universe will implode! Oh no! That would be bad, and not even in an evil way! Exactly! So you've got to tell me the recipe! But I still don't understand why you need the recipe when you've already saved me! I don't know. That's not very helpful. I don't even understand why you need the recipe anyway. You've got to tell me because the magic requires it! That's what you said before! Honestly, why make it more complicated than it needs to be? Oh, never mind.